I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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