ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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