i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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