he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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