I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
