ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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