I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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