is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
