feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
