all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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