bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
