I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
