Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
