Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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