i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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