I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
