I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
