I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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