I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
