If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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