ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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