Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
