My nipple is on Facebook.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
