Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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