We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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