things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
