I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
