and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
