Ketchup is God's man juice
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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