So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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