just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
