Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
