It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
