Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
