you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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