She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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