O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
