I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.