let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...