My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
