dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
