weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
