We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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