Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you didnt know i had herpes?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i think i just lost a toe
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
