I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
