Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
