he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
