I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it hurts more in the daytime
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
