i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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