Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
