I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
