The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
