its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
