and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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