It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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