I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
