This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize