This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
