I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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