apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
